


Why? (When All I Have is No One)

by BarbarianBillyHargrove



Series: Bullshit is Not Exclusive from Love [1]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Billy Hargrove Angst, Billy Hargrove Is Bad at Feelings, Billy Hargrove Redemption, Drabble, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Billy Hargrove, M/M, Minor Suicide Ideation, Protective Steve Harrington, Suicidal Thoughts, technically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-13 07:18:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18936073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BarbarianBillyHargrove/pseuds/BarbarianBillyHargrove
Summary: Mini thing I wrote after my headcanon on tumblr about it:People always headcanon Billy as such a badass guy when it comes to monster-fighting, but honestly? He’s been conditioned to not fight back his entire life. Whenever something stressful happens, he’s not going to fight back with everything he’s got. He’s going to go still.





	Why? (When All I Have is No One)

Billy is shaking. Steve Harrington is hugging him. The bat that almost took out his groin is sitting on the ground next to them and there’s a monster in the woods behind them. And he’s shaking. 

Harrington is saying something to him. It’s probably something reassuring, but apparently, he just doesn’t _fucking_ understand that there’s no such thing to Billy anymore. All he can think about is _why_. Why did Harrington save him? The brats were already out of there. Why didn’t Harrington just leave? It’s what everyone does. 

“Billy?”

And all of a sudden Billy’s angry - angry at his mother for not being there for him, angry at Susan for not protecting him, angry at Max for getting him in trouble, angry at his father for hurting him, angry at Steve for saving him…   
But mostly angry at himself. 

“Are you with me? Billy?”

Everyone always leaves him. He deserves it. The one thing that he’s good for is keeping Max in line - and he fails all the time. He failed enough that she somehow got involved with fucking monsters. Real-life monsters. Not the one he always tries so hard to protect her from at home - the _only_ thing he’s managed to be good for so far - and she still hates him for it.

“… need to leave … Hopper’s taking care of it … kids are okay …”

And Billy snaps. He finds himself holding Steve against a tree by his throat, staring at his wide eyes, still shaking. He lets go, only to grab at his arms instead.   
It passes though his awareness that his face is becoming wet. He barely registers it because he’s still so angry. 

He shakes Steve slightly. “Why did you do it?”

Steve shakes his head, and before he can answer Billy interrupts. “Why would you save me? Your kids were gone. You didn’t have to stay.”

Steve’s saying something again, but he isn’t listening. He’s walking away.

“Billy! Hey! Where are you going?”

Truth be told, he doesn’t know. He hadn’t even realized he’d moved. He was so focused on _why_ (he wasn’t worth it) that he couldn’t think. Why now? Why does someone help him _now?_  No one cares about him. _No one_. So why bother? He’s never enough. It’s never enough. He’s worthless. But why?

He hits the ground.

Steve had tackled him, “Billy! Stop! We have to leave!” 

“… so, go.”

Steve shakes his head. “I can’t leave you here.”

After a moment of silence, for the first time since he could remember, Billy asks himself, “Why not?”

He can’t quite place a name on the face Steve makes when he looks at him, but it’s enough. Enough to strengthen Billy’s doubt. Enough to make him curious; to prompt him to admit, “I’m just bullshit…” but it sounds like a question (and he’s not sure how he meant it to come out).

And Steve’s face hardens with resolve. “You’re not bullshit.”

And for the first time, Billy thinks he can trust something.

**Author's Note:**

> I might add to this thing randomly from time to time. All postings will probably be related in some way. No. They will not all be this depressing. Hit me up on tumblr: barbarianbillyhargrove


End file.
